My wife and I have just come back from a trip to Pembrokeshire. One day, we needed to stock up on some provisions and it just so happened that there was a Somerfield supermarket nearby. Amongst the items we bought was a packet of malted milk biscuits.
When we opened the biscuits later that evening, we discovered that they tasted nothing like the malted milk biscuits we buy from our regular supermarket.
When we got home, I wrote what I thought was a rather amusing letter to Somerfield HQ enquiring as to reason for the difference in taste. I rarely complain to supermarkets, but when I do I normally try to make it fairly light-hearted and I find that this often elicits a humorous response. I hoped for a similar reaction from the good folks at Somerfield.
The text of my letter is reprinted verbatim below:
Dear Sirs,
RE: Somerfield Malted Milk Biscuits
My wife and I were on holiday recently in Pembrokeshire and on 9th April 2009, we purchased some Somerfield own-brand malted milk biscuits (200g) from your Pembroke store.
My wife enjoys malted milk biscuits a lot – they are her favourite variety. You might say she is connoisseur of the malted milk biscuit. Actually, come to think of it, she’s a connoisseur of most biscuits. And cakes.
She was very disappointed to discover that your malted milk biscuits don’t taste anything like malted milk biscuits from other supermarkets. In fact, they don’t even look the same.
I had a taste of these biscuits myself and though I rarely eat malted milk biscuits, I had to agree that they did taste a bit strange. This was confirmed when we returned from our holiday and purchased some own-brand malted milk biscuits from our local Tesco store and compared them with yours.
The best comparison I can come up with is that they taste like they have been made from the same mix of ingredients that you would use for a custard cream-type biscuit. My wife compares the taste to that of a “Sport” biscuit.
Now, I don’t know what a Sport biscuit is, but if I were a malted milk biscuit, I’d be offended if someone compared me to a Sport biscuit.
Perhaps your supplier has never enjoyed the taste of a genuine malted milk biscuit and therefore just “came up with” a mix of ingredients that he thought would do the job. Maybe it was a leftover batch of dough from the custard cream production line, or perhaps he just raided the bins of the “Sport” biscuit factory.
Whatever the reason for the difference, I’d be glad to send him a complimentary packet of genuine malted milks for his future enlightenment.
I’d be interested to know if other customers have expressed similar concerns about these biscuits. Perhaps your customers haven’t experienced the unique taste of a genuine malted milk and are blissfully chomping away in ignorance.
In my opinion, they deserve better than these inferior impostors. Come on Somerfield, give them the real thing!
Here's Somerfield’s reply:
Dear Mr Coulter,
Thank you for your letter. But I was sorry to hear that you’re wife was not happy with the taste of our Somerfield Malted Milk Biscuits.
I have passed your comments to the Buying Department for their information and any future review.
All information received from our customers is highly valued and helps us to constantly review and improve every aspect of our operation. And if you have any further problems please feel that you can contact me direct.
Disappointing. Very, very disappointing. And badly written.